It was in my early and mid twenties that I journeyed through a chapter of striving to create success. I had big dreams and visions of making a large contribution towards millions around the World. I can say today that it came from the most honest and sincere places within me.
I dreamt of being a published author of a book that touched millions and envisioned myself teaching workshops around the World. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this monumental vision kept me trapped in a state of striving and never feeling content with how life was in the moment.
Even had a I published a book or taught workshops, from that mindset there would have been a deep sense of still needing to do more. This constant state of ‘not enough’.
The turning point for me was becoming a father. From having the full focus on myself, my vision, my hopes and dreams to now being forced by life to turn my attention to the little one’s attention. And anyone that has kids knows that the moment is ALWAYS consumed with something. A changing diaper, a meal that needs to be prepared, the same question asked seven times or just the need to have your full undivided attention and engagement with them.
The first year of being a father was a challenge for me. I had been so consumed for so many years with my own dreams and aspirations that I found it overwhelming to draw my attention towards my child. I felt even more of a “falling behind” sense in making my vision a reality. The struggle came from this inner tug of war of wanting so badly to be present with my son, yet feeling that by spending so much time focused on him that there was never enough time to progress any of my personal and professional goals.
It wasn’t until the second year of being a father, which was also the addition of our second child, my daughter Ann, which solidified my parenthood. At this point there was no turning back!
It wasn’t a single ‘ah ha’ moment that changed my struggle. It was an unfolding process over a period of time that my awareness grew to feel the contracted parts within myself that stemmed from this constant mindset of striving, grasping, and attaining.
It dawned on me at a certain point that “Just this…is enough”. Just this moment, just this breath, just this diaper change, just this meal with my kids was enough. The revelation came with great intention and effort on my part over many years to understand my highest Self, however, when this awareness arrived, it felt like something greater than my own thinking.
A spontaneous question then landed in my thoughts. “What if I’m not meant to live that grandiose vision?
“What if my soul’s path is to live a simpler, quiet life?”
“What if I wasn’t meant to be the great visionary leader I felt called to be?”
These questions didn’t arrive in a way that discouraged me to give up, but more from a place of, “Not by my will, but by thy will”.
As I came out of a meditation one morning my spirit gave me an intuitive message that there is a greater presence that knows what is needed for me to heal, grow, and expand within this life. Maybe it is a Global leader? Maybe it is a stay-at-home father? Maybe it is something that a part of me would initially judge as not valuable enough? This deeper wisdom allowed me to sense at the core of my bones that I can let go of control and surrender to something greater that’s in me and in everything that has much greater blessings than I could ever imagine.
At first my mind feared this idea of living an ordinary, simple life. The thoughts of boredom and the idea of never having enough. I believe most of the belief that I had to be in control “or else something bad would happen”, stemmed from a society that consumes beyond it’s means in the false hope that if they just kept pushing to get more that they would be able to one day not worry. This belief system is rooted in the belief that there is never enough and is often found in people that work in jobs they don’t enjoy for an entire lifetime or many years for the money and security. But beyond the money and security is a deeper fear of facing the uncertainty that is real life. If I can accumulate enough money, then everything will be certain. News flash….that’s just not true.
The wisdom of so many past and present teachers speak about living in harmony with nature and knowing that nature is unpredictable moment-to-moment, day-to-day, and season-to-season. Living with this kind of ebb and flow allows you to become a vessel for that which is meant to flow through you, and one thing that is true is that each human being has a healing purpose that contributes to both the current collective humanity and our future generations moving forward.
By embracing and accepting the fears and limits within yourself, you open yourself to a path that is heart-led and limitless. The right exact people and resources that are needed will arrive in it’s perfect timing to bring about that which is meant to be lived through you for the greater good of one another.
This idea does not mean that your mind has no part, or that you should give up on your dreams or action steps towards that which moves you. In actuality, its essential that you continue to follow your passions, but in the many moments of non-action or uncertainty, take a deep breath and let yourself appreciate and interact with all that is living around you in this exact moment. Notice when your desires are creating a sense of grasping, desperation, or that your sense of rest resides within the attainment of something outside of this moment. This is the beginning of an awakened heart, clear mind, and a truly abundant life.